Random thoughts (really needing to just get stuff off of my chest....)

Thursday, May 31, 2007


Soren has decided that sleeping during the night isn't really HIS priority. Hmm- needless to say I am really tired. It's not that he is up cooing and gooing, he is up fussing. This is not typical of him (he has been really laid back so far). (Yes I know he is only 3 weeks old. But his pattern has not been this.)

So I have started exercising again. I know I'm not supposed to until the 6 week mark but I can't stand it. I am running a bit on the treadmill and using my elliptical. Only about 30 minutes at a time so I should be fine. I hate it but it feels good knowing that this flab will eventually come off.

I signed my contract on Tuesday with A.C.. I also told Hospice that I would not be coming back. It was not easy telling the people there. I have loved my co-workers and most of my job. I may stay on as a volunteer or contingent. They have already posted the position in the paper. My official last day there is July 31. I was very thankful to my HR person because she did this so I won't have to do a COBRA just will have to pay their portion of our insurance. What a good company. And they told me to keep my disability check. I had offered it back to them as I was leaving and they told me just to cash it.

So my eyeballs are feeling like they are covered in mucus and moss. Any suggestions on helping Soren stay asleep (besides alcohol)? The problem seems to be once I put him down in his crib he is usually awake within 5 minutes. He wants to be held all the time. But I can't sleep holding him. Ugh. I will have to get new pictures soon to post. I have started to become lazy with that. Sorry, Holly.

By the way, Jeff and I both saw Soren roll over again! Less than 3 weeks old! We are in some deep trouble- if only he'd stay awake during the day. He still has that pirate eye thing going on alot of the time. ARG MATE!

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Home again.

We spent the weekend (minus Jeff) at my parent's house. Had a good time. Nice to be with family. Soren had a hard time one day- I think because I ate to much onion or garlic. He was really a fussaluffaguss and his little butt was bright red. But he is doing much better now. And here I sit absent garlic breath... Thanks M&D for spoiling us! Even came home with shoefly pie and yeast rolls!!

OK, now I know you won't believe this. I don't really either but there is no other explanation. I put Soren down on his tummy yesterday while I went to go and switch the laundry. When I came back (maybe 90 seconds later) he was on his back. He rolled over! Now I know that this must be a fluke. He can't be rolling over already can he?? He almost did it a few times at my parents house but he didn't. And yet again this morning he almost got over- but he didn't. Hmm.

I go and sign my contract today. I am going in to Hospice before I go to the college to tell them. I am most sad about telling my favorite co-worker L. I feel like I am abandoning her there. But this is an opportunity I cannot pass up. I am just really bummed that she can't come with me.

Veda was a grump today. She went off to school with a frown.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Shocker! and mice too!!

Soren was awake for almost 6 straight hours yesterday afternoon!! That is huge! He typically only opens his eyes for a few minutes then he is off to never never land again. It was neat to actually be able to see him awake. He slept rather well last night too! Only up two times.
Got an email from the Dean of A. C. and I have a call into him now to discuss "details". I am sure that things will work out wonderfully. I really have no worries. Just would like to know exactly whats in store for me.

Tried to watch Dream Girls last night. Of course I fell asleep. I thought that actually not being pregnant would allow me to stay awake again. Well, no luck there. Jeff and I both fell asleep on the couch. At least I woke up enough to get into a bed. He was so tuckered out that he stayed on the couch.

Just got a call from Veda's principal. This has never happened before. This is how is started our conversation.. "I have never had to make this call as long as I have been principal". So I say "Is my child OK?" He says "Yes, but she has been bitten by a mouse." So the story goes that Veda (my little animal lover) was out playing with the "school cat" when she found a mouse and decided to pick it up. Well, the mouse did not like the idea of this so it bit her and actually broke the skin. Veda said she had to shake off the mouse. So off we go to Dr. B's office at 2pm. And Jeff is there, at Dr. B's office now.

Jeff's report from Dr. B is not good. He is making him an appointment with a spine surgeon. This does not thrill me. I am assuming that everything will be just fine I just don't like the idea of someone cutting into Jeff's back. This also comes at an awkward time as we will be switching insurances with the job change. UGH!

My life feels pretty random today.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Eye goop, poop, bloody belly buttons and A.C.

Eye goop- yes, Soren has it. My nurse friend told me to squirt breast milk in his eye. Not so sure I can do that- would feel like I was crossing some kind of line. The Dr. says wait until Monday to see if it clears on it's own.

Poop- I have only seen projectile poop a few times in my life. I felt it today. I got shot right in the palm of my hand. I love my son.

Bloody belly buttons- for the past 2 days Soren has had dried blood on his belly button. I am sure it is nothing just thought it would be good to document here since I am using this somewhat as a journal.

A.C.- got a message today from the Dean of Academic Affairs assistant. She said "I would like to be the first to congratulate you. Dean ____ will be calling later this afternoon or tomorrow to officailly make you an offer for the Disability Services Specialist." YEAH!! I am so excited. But nervous to talk to Hospice about it. And when should I do that since contracts are not signed until June. Do I wait? Ethics tell me I need to tell them sooner than later so they can start looking for a replacement. This will be a good move for me. I can see myself staying at A.C. until I retire. (And I would actually have a pension!!)

Jeff has his MRI today- hopefully we will hear something soon.

The Dean just called!!! Offically I have been offered the job! He will call tomorrow to talk "details"!!

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Scary neighbors

So I think we freaked out our neighbors when we told them we were planting our placenta in the back yard. Oh well- they must know we are weird by now. We just confirmed it today.

Here are a few pictures of the big event. We also put some of Sipalla's ashes in with the placenta. (Sipalla is our puppy who died last year.)

Have to go as poop duty calls...

Planting the placenta

Today we are going to plant a lilac tree in our backyard with Soren's placenta. I am excited to have it here at our home. Veda's placenta was planted with Tad's memorial tree (which I think is wonderful but it's not in our yard). Can't wait to do this.
Veda and Jeff are going on a "date" today. They are going out to eat then to the movies. Maybe even some ice cream. I am hoping to be able to get some alone time with her as well- the boob factor makes it a bit hard.

Veda is feeling better. Up and running around as usual. Already got her piano practiced for the day. She may be the next Mozart.
Soren is really enjoying keeping me up at night. He doesn't cry- just fusses. Enough where it keeps me up. He loves to be held or lying right next to me. When I try to put him in the pack in play he decides to wake up again. Maybe he is uncomfortable in there. Tonight I am going to try him in his crib and we will see how that works.
Can you believe that I got a picture with his eyes open? Not only was he actually awake for more than 3 minutes he doesn't have the "pirate eye". We like to call him Captain Soren. (And you have to say that with the pirate accent.)
Eleven days old already...

Saturday, May 19, 2007

At Dr. B's

Veda and Jeff are at the Dr. right now finding out the fate of her tonsils. If I were Dr. B. I would rip those puppies right out. This kid has been sick with Strep more times than I have.

It was a rough night. We had to divide and conquer with the kids. Jeff and Veda slept in the living room while Soren and I stayed cooped up in the bedroom. Soren did not feel like sleeping much in his pack in play. He really likes to sleep on me or next to me. Well, last night I finally gave in because my eyeballs are about to fall out. Sleep dwindles...

Veda is feeling better today. No fever. She is already begging to hold Soren but I told her she needed to wait until 24 hours after being on her antibiotic and with Dr. B.'s consent.

Jeff said that Veda fell off the couch last night while she was sleeping. When she gets sick she really gets sick. But typically it fades quickly. This is a good thing. But let me tell you- it is pretty scary when her temp gets up near 104. I don't like it. Even Jeff gets a bit worried. And it's not comforting to know that a nurse is nervous about a fever. But he is her Dad and I am sure that changes things too.

They got home from Dr. B.'s. Veda has a strep test but did not get positive results on the quick test. They sent in the culture. We'll know in a few days. Until then, or at least Monday, we need to keep Veda and Soren apart. Yeah, right. Veda is doing okay with this news- just sad. She really wants to hold him. But knows he is just too little to get sick.

New pictures coming soon...

Friday, May 18, 2007

Strep visits again...

So Veda woke us up this morning with "Mom, my head hurts. My stomach hurts and so does my throat." Well around 3pm today we had 103.8 fever. We are working with about 102 now. And that's with Motrin and Tylenol. UGH! Called Dr. B and he called in Erythromycin and told us to come in tomorrow am. So here we are with a 9 day old baby and a really sick kid. Hard to juggle the two. Veda wants to snuggle and Soren wants my boobs.

Jeff is really helping out with Veda tonight. He is going to sleep out on the couch with her to watch her temp since I have to be on boob duty.

Soren spent about 2 and a half hours awake today!! His eyes were open a lot more today. Big change. I think he will start being awake more. That makes me feel better. I was a bit worried since ALL he did was sleep and eat. And of course poop.

One of the people I used for a reference called and said that A.C. called them... That is somewhat promising. I should know more about that next week. What am I going to do about Hospice? There are a lot of people there that I do not want to leave. But I have to do this for me. And IF I am offered this job it would be a great move for me. But I would feel horrible about leaving my co-workers and patients at Hospice. I should probably not spend too much time thinking about it unless I am offered the job.

Wish us luck with our high temp girl.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Jaundice update.

Don't you like how he has already learned how to flip me off??

No buggers in there!

My boy is still a shade of yellow. Dr. B says he is not concerned enough to poke his little foot. It should just go away in the next few days/weeks. Thank goodness. Soren still is sleeping most of the day. I think he only is awake 15 minutes a day. I am loving being able to hold him and kiss him all day. His night routine is 2-3 times up for a boob. Not to bad.

We had our first big outing today. We went to Wal-Mart and the Doctors office. I know- I hate that I spent money there too. But they have fake meat really cheap!! We also went out to eat and it went without issue. The boy slept through the entire affair.

Jeff also spoke with the Dr. since he is having so much pain in his back from his sciatica. He is getting an MRI on Tuesday then possibly physical therapy or surgery- depending on what the MRI shows. He is in a lot of pain and it would be nice if he could actually walk straight up instead of looking like a "S".

I am adjusted to Soren being here. I didn't think it would happen so quickly but actually I didn't really need any adjustment time. He just seems to melt into our family. Like he is supposed to be latched to my chest all the time. He just fits. Veda is really doing well with Soren. I am so proud of the way she has been handling this giant change. For once she is not being to "drama" about it all. She just loves him.

I had a job interview on Tuesday. I know- long story, but I am hopeful. Not that I don't want to be at Hospice- I like it. BUT, it is trying. A few weeks ago one of the women I know at my undergrad college called and told me about this position that "is perfect for you". It is a Disability Services Specialist at my Alma Mater. This would be where I would be assisting all of the students with disabilities on campus. I would coordinate with their professors, residence halls etc. to ensure they were getting what they needed and finding success on this particular college campus. I would also be teaching a study skills class to these students along with the football players. The job sounds wonderful. I would get a month and a half off in the summer with the potential to add on another 23 days- if they weren't used during the school year. That means I could be with my kids in the summer. And have a pension!! With benefits! No call. No middle of the night "XYZ died, you need to go and be with the family" and have to drive 30 minutes in the middle of the night to get there. Needless to say I am excited about the possibility but cautious not to get to excited.

That's it for today. I am thinking about unofficially starting Weight Watchers again. You are supposed to wait 6 weeks but I am really fat. I know- I will be careful not to mess up breastfeeding.

Life is good...

Monday, May 14, 2007

New pictures..

Here Soren is trying to get rid of his jaundice (and blowing you kisses). It doesn't seem to be to bad but we are trying to sit him in the sun a few times a day to get rid of it. If it isn't gone by Thursday we head back to Dr. B. He has slept all day today- which means last night he was awake. And not much luck for tonight. I guess being jaundice can do that to you. The second picture is of Veda and Soren. As you can see she just can't get enough of him.

Minor Details...

Soren was born at 5:07 pm on Wednesday, May 9th.

He was 7 lbs 14 oz and 21 inches long.

Thanks for reminding me to post this info A. S.!!

Friday, May 11, 2007

The Birth.

We left for the hospital at 8:00am. Got there and checked in. Went up to our room- 307. Then we started settling in. Shortly after 8:45 Dr. G came. We discussed how we could induce and decided on breaking my water. She said I could use a breast pump in a few hours if breaking the water didn't get things going. Well, it didn't. So out came the milking machine. That gave me some contractions but they petered out pretty quickly.
Around 1:00 she asked if I wanted to continue doing this "all day" or would I like to try a tiny bit of pitocin. We talked about it- in length and decided to go ahead. BIG MISTAKE! That stuff kicks your uterus! In just a bit I was in pain that I cannot describe. I typically have a pretty high pain tolerance. Really high actually. Veda's birth was relatively easy- you know for a birth, but this was different. I think that it was because it was medically induced. Such a difference.

So I tried to bear with these contractions as long as I could. This lead me a few hours into hell. Eventually I decided that if I wanted to live I needed some relief. Staydol (don't know how to spell it) was the least invasive. We tried that. The RN told me that it would work with the same contraction she was putting it in with. Well, it didn't. No relief whatsoever.

I tried to make it but this was literally impossible. I felt horribly defeated. I cried quite a bit. All I could think about was that this was not how it was supposed to be. They checked me and I was only at 5. So after another 4-5 major contractions- which by the way really never gave me a break in between I opted for an epidural. This was another bummer for me. Three meds I did not want to use- I used them all.
So I sat up when the anesthesiologist came in so he could get me all drugged up. When I sat up I am sure that I dilated to 10. His head was right there. I said to everyone that I thought he was there and that I could push if I wanted to. But they already had part of the epidural in so we finished it anyway. And my OB was delivering another baby down the hall. I had to wait for her.

About an hour later and a lot less noise coming from my room Dr. G walked in. It was then that I knew he was coming. She checked my and found that his head was just about crowning. She waited for the next contraction (which I couldn't feel) and told me to push. In a strange numb sense I could feel him move down and out. Now I got to feel the wrinkled up little man's head. His head was almost half way out and she had me wait for the next contraction. This was good because then I did not tear. The next contraction and the next push brought little Soren Robert into the world. And all of the medications in the world can't take that away from us.

He continues to do wonderfully. Didn't sleep last night and hasn't peed or pooped yet today but I am not going to freak out. He did drench me in the middle of the night and pooped 6-7 times yesterday.

Veda is in love. It's no longer important if I'm around. It's all Soren now.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

He's Home!!

So this is Soren. Iwill give details on l&d later. We are all fine. Isn't he so cute? Such a little man!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Bits of sleep.

Here I am on one of the biggest days of my life. I can't sleep. I did better than I thought last night. At least I got a few hours. Most of the night was spent thinking about getting through today. How it will go. Will everything work out OK. Just like every other mother in the world who knows they are going to have a baby. Inducing is horrible. It is like a looming hatchet coming right at your- well, you know. At least with Veda I was just "in" labor all of the sudden and had no time to ponder what may happen tomorrow.

It will be OK.

I have been trying to talk myself into being OK with this induction. Well, it hasn't worked. The only good thing is that Soren will be here today. The unnaturalness (is that a word?) just doesn't feel right.

(I have to be honest and say that I am freaked out. I don't remember ever being this freaked out by something. I guess, just because I have no control over this and I have to do it- no matter what. He has to come out. You see, if I put all of this is parentheses I am not REALLY saying it- just thinking it and it doesn't count.)

Wish me luck.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Nerves and the such..

I hardly slept last night. Thinking about this large head trying to come out of my body. I know- I can do this. I had Veda with minimal "issue". I don't like that I am having to go into this labor knowing that their are warning signs to all of the medications- and I am going to have to use them (or some of them). 8 lbs and 11 oz....

I have that pit in my chest. That weight that someone is standing there. I know it's not Soren because he is just sitting there- I saw his butt there yesterday. But I can tell that I have some apprehensions. And I don't like that. With Veda's birth I just went full force into doing it. No real concerns.

Maybe it is because this is my "LAST TIME" being pregnant. This is my last day of having a baby live inside my womb. How sad. No, I don't think I will have postpartum. I am just sad that this is over. But I am thankful since I can barely walk. I waddle. And I'm really not even good at that!

I am not sure where Jeff is at mentally. I have tried to talk with him but he really hasn't opened up. I would bet he is nervous, scared and excited.

Veda is over the moon. And I have to be honest. When I said to her this morning "Today is your last day being an only child" it made me much more upset than it did her. Not that I don't want this to happen. It is just a big change in our lives. I typically have a really hard time with change. Veda has been my last 6 years. My life has focused on her. Now it's time to split that time. Hoping that I can do this well.

Can you tell I am anxious. Wait. I already said that.

Last day of work for 12 weeks!!! It will be nice to focus on life rather than death for awhile.

Monday, May 07, 2007

The scoop..

So I went to get my ultrasound this morning. Soren's head is measuring at 42 weeks!! Yes, you read that right! 42 weeks!! His estimated weight now is 8 lbs and 11 oz. As of today! OUCH! So then I went right over to my Doctors office who wants to induce me due to his size. She is concerned if he gets much bigger he may not fit. So Wednesday morning at 8:00am we check into the hospital. We are going to start with the gel and go from there. I am very hesitant about using anything but Mother Nature but I don't want him to get stuck in there and never be able to get out (or have to have a C-section!).

I am a solid 3 centimeters, 80% effaced and he is at a -2 station. So at least he is part of the way here.

May 9th. Who is born on May 9th? I hope it's a good day. And hump day... It will all work out right? 8 lbs 11 ounces!!!!


I have an ultrasound at 8:00 and an O.B. appointment at 9:00.

What a bummer. I was sure I would be holding him by now. He'll be here soon enough.

Happy Monday!

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Still large and in charge..

I'm here. Moved all the furniture in the living room and had a pedicure. Something should help.

Well, today must not be the day. I put my money on the 5th. Lost out on that $3.

We are having Mexican for dinner and I hear spicy foods are another placenta popper.

Happy Cinco de Mayo! What I wouldn't do for a Oberon. Happy Birthday C.S.!!

Friday, May 04, 2007


I sit here with nothing happening. Nada. Nilch. Nil. NOTHING!! Walked about 3 1/2 miles last night hoping to get it going. No luck.

But he will come right?

Hmm- Castor Oil is sounding good these days. Although I don't want to have diarrhea all over the place during l&d.

So off to work I go. At least that way I will be up and moving today.

Soren! Where are you??

Thursday, May 03, 2007

A bit gross but you can handle it...

This is probably T.M.I. but here it goes... I have been passing my mucous plug all day. And quite frankly BRING IT ON!! Just a bit ago my back started to get sore. Is this really it? My friend H and I are going for a walk in a bit to see if we can move this along.

Not nervous yet. Getting hopeful that this may actually be close to the day that I meet my son. My one and only son.

My daughter just told me that I am the worst mom and that she hates me. This is a real confidence boost if I am going into labor.

I will keep you updated. Come on kid!!

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

2-3 centimeters!!

What a relief... My cervix continues to work. I am hoping that after today's check we will get things really moving. We went for a walk and I was told that I am supposed to have (SHHH) s-e-x tonight to really help things along. Boy that will be comfortable.

Send more contraction thoughts this way. PLEASE!!!