Random thoughts (really needing to just get stuff off of my chest....)

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

The blues...

V starts school in 6 days. Yes, in 6 days some strange woman has her for 8 hours 5 days a week. We went and visited her classroom tonight and I liked her teacher but I am a bit worried. My friend lawmommy talked about this recently. It is just such a change.

Work is busy. Going well. I have lost about 20 patients this month. I have gained about the same amount. Ugh...

I must be premenstural. I am crabby today. And that pisses me off too. I wanted to have a baby- and we all know that I like to get things when I want them. So I don't think this is the month that I will start plans for the spare bedroom. Bums me out. Wondering if it is even in our cards or if we should try.

My in-laws- I just don't know what to do about this. I am referring to my late husbands parents. They wrote me this letter a few days before our wedding telling me that they couldn't believe that I hadn't invited them to our wedding (mind you 25 people were there). Basically a guilt letter. I just don't know how to handle it. I have to be careful because I want these people in my life and they will be for the rest of it. This really stresses J out.

Summer is almost over.

Our hot tub is warming up as we speak. J and I might even go in it cold tonight. It's only around 80 right now so we may wait.

That's it for now. Off to drink some wine.

Friday, August 25, 2006


My friend LawMommy tagged me. I have to say 5 weird things about me that you may not know...

1. I am selectively OCD. No really- there are certain things that drive me crazy some days and don't bother me others. This is really difficult on my family. Example- I came home today and V had paper all over the kitchen table. Today is a day that I wanted the kitchen table to be cleared off. I went crazy. I had asked her yesterday to take care of it.

On the other hand... There are things that I am always OCD about. My patients at work. I have certain colors of highlighting for certain things. Orange- my client. Green- not doing so well. Etc...

2. I hate sleeping alone. I dread the days that J works midnights. I lie in bed most of the night thinking that there is someone standing in my bedroom doorway waiting for the perfect moment to attack me. This has always been with me. Doors at night are freaky. Please keep mine closed.

3. I live on Trident Original gum. I actually get it for birthday presents. I probably chew two packs a day. The suck thing about this is that each piece is 5 calories. I am not sure how to process the 18 pieces X 5 calories X 3 packs.... How many points is that??

4. I hate fingernails. Not on other people. Just me. I cut my fingernails down until right before they bleed. I can't stand them. This also goes with my picking. Yes, I am a picker. If you have a zit or scab watch out. I love to pick.

5. I am obsessed with McDonald's ice cream. Two points without a cone three with a cone. So I have to admit, I go there daily. I am so disgusting.

So now I tag Chas and the Hotpockets...

Tuesday, August 22, 2006


So the dog attacks the cat, I jump, V comes out of her room- scared. So I go and do the motherly thing and put her back to bed. When I touch her back I notice how hot she is. "She isn't acting sick" goes through my head. Then I touch her forehead and I think I have 2nd degree burns on my fingers. I quickly go down and get the thermometer to check and yep- 104.9. That can't be right! I take it again in the other ear 104.4. Ok- I go out of her room and calmly say "J- her temp is really high." Anyway- she ends up sleeping on our floor then moves to our bed. Needless to say I barely slept. I watched her all night long. Waiting for something to happen. Be it the fever breaking, the Four Tops coming to sing her to sleep- I don't know- something... And I have come to the conclusion this morning that is just what mother's do.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Back to the grind..

I would think that after getting married- or any big event for that matter- that you would have some sort of a grace period at work. Well, not in this case. My co-worker is gone two weeks (last week and this coming week) so I am covering all of our patients... Yes, this is trying. We have had a lot of new admits and some really sick people. But you know it has been ok. I have handled it well- I think. Only a few tears.

My favorite guy- we'll call him Stub, died yesterday. Little old man that I fell in love with. Go figure- me think a little old man is cute. Secretly you all know I am waiting anxiously for J to get little and old. For some reason I just think they are so damn cute.

V is doing well. As one of my friends blogged about on her site- are kids are starting school in just a few weeks. V is very excited. I am not. I don't want her to be in school for that many hours with that many kids. Who knows how those kids are going to treat her or how their parents have treated them. Have they all watched Star Wars?? Should I let her watch some of these things so she knows who Princess Leia is while she plays on the playground. You see I have put a violence bubble around V. Starting to crumble already. Other kids want to watch certain cartoons and I just have to let go a bit. UGH!

Changed my name... That's okay. I mess up a lot when I am signing my name at work.

Hoping to have a baby. I think. We are not going to actively try (this is J's way of moving toward pregnancy) but we aren't going to take any precautions. I think my uterus may be to filled with cob webs. I'm getting old you know. I have to admit that I am scared. A lot of things have happened to people I love- it could just as easily happen to us. I know that I am not safe. And that makes me hesitate.

The first time I got pregnant it just happened real easily. I went to the Doctor because I thought something was going on with my thyroid- but no it was V. That was an interesting phone call. I had now clue. Anyway- this could be an adventure. I am already up tight about it and it's barely begun. And if it does happen- then what??

Off to shower. I have to go meet with one of my patients today.. Yes, on Sunday. Bummer.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

We did it!!

So yesterday we got married. Jeff and I are home packing up our things getting ready to head out to Oregon!! We are so excited! The pictures will be up soon and I will be sure to let everyone know how to access them online. Thanks for all of your support my friends.

Peace and Love,
Mrs. Ward (tee hee)