Random thoughts (really needing to just get stuff off of my chest....)

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

First day of Hospice...

I am getting ready to go in for my first day of Hospice. Excited about that. Went to parent info night for next year kindergarten students last night!! Wow who fast they grow. No news on the poop situation- other than V says it is more "normal" now. We just have to wait for some labs to come back. Painted our new bedroom yesterday- it's a cool color I never thought I would use but I like it. Had Indian food the other night and I am still high from that! :) (Can you tell I just have tid bits to tell today- nothing of great importance. Sorry.) I guess for now that's it.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Poop update...

Went to the Dr. and they are running some tests. He does not think it is Hepatitis or her liver failing (of course I dreamt about that all night) but quite possibly a bad stomach bug or maybe Girardia. So we are going to wait it out before we go all hog wild with exams etc. Thanks for your good thoughts. I'll post more when I know more.

And yes, still albino poop around these parts...

Indian Dinner with a friend and his wife tonight. So excited! I love Indian! Of course J and V will be with me- maybe it will turn her poop yellow. The things mother's think...

Kids poop..

So for the past week or so V has been complaining about her tummy hurting. So much so that on Saturday when she was to be spending the night with a friend she wanted to sleep in the bathroom next to the toilet in case she had to get sick. Obviously she came home. But then shortly after dinner last night she called me into the bathroom to share something with me. Well it was an albino poop. And it was all covered in mucus. I immediately called J (in the most non-alarming mom voice I had at the time) and he came to witness the albino poop and immediately said something to the effect of livers and pancreas. I immediately went to the web and looked it up and it talks about Hepatitis and liver failure. Something along the biliary line may not be working. So needless to say we are on our way to the Doctor this am. I talked to my Doctor last night and he said he had never seen a child with "clay colored poop" and J and I immediately went and scooped some up out of the toilet to show him what kid clay colored poop looks like- since we have plenty of it. V is still complaining about her stomach hurting... I am not excited about all of this and what it could mean.

Not to forget- we don't have insurance.... Suckarama.

More later.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Eye balls and smells

So one of my best friends is also my eye doctor. He found (I'm sure it wasn't him who found them but he introduced me to them) these great contacts that you can wear for a full month. I can sleep in them and just wake up and go- all being able to see. I love these things. Now I can see my own morning breath leave my mouth instead of just smell it.

Jury is still out on public school vs. Montessori...

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Can't it be spring already? I'm COLD!!

Not much going on here lately. Finishing up with my classes- only 7 more to go (6 after tonight) but who is counting??? Have a grant I have been working on- a little bit. I am ready to be finished. I have this one remaining assignment and I can't get into it. Sucks to be graduating and know you already have a job because your work suffers.

V is doing well. She is getting pictures taken on Friday. I am taking her out of school to do this. I am such a bad mom. Ok here is my new "need help" situation. V is now in a private Montessori school for preschool- this costs A LOT of money but we have been lucky enough to get some scholarship money to help us out. Next year that stops and we will have to pay full tuition ($450/mo) or she can go to public schools for FREE!! My dilemma is that I LOVE HER MONTESSORI school and teachers. And she does wonderfully there. Should I risk it and send her to public kindergarten or keep her there and figure out a way to pay. Really the school is exceptional- I would want to go back to pre-school just to go there. My aunt has said that she may be able to help us out but I just can't see paying $4,500 a year for a kindergarten child. I just really appreciate the Montesorri philosophy and how children are taught to be self sufficient learners.

J is doing ok. Finger is still gross. They now have him on antibiotics until June and if it doesn't work then they will just take part of the bone away or cut the tip off. Yuck. That would hurt. But better than having MRSA in your blood stream and killing you.

Psych ward has been fun lately. Had to testify (over the phone) today against some man I petitioned to be put in the state hospital- he threatened to burn my daughter among other things.

I'm babbling.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Old Maid

Yesterday was my 33rd birthday. I spent it working in the psych ward. One of our "best" patients sang to me almost every 5 minutes. Needless to say it was not like the birthday's we use to have back in the day. Middle school birthdays were great! Go to the skating rink and drink a few pops with your girlfriends. I was lucky enough to have a movie night with my girls and then dessert the day before my b-day with 2 good friends. J actually made a cake!! His very first cake ever! He did a great job! And he got me an elliptical (did I spell that right?). So I am going to try and get that last 10-15 lbs off before the wedding. Yeah right. I've been working on those for 2 years now. But there is no harm in trying.

I am really excited about the Hospice decision. Actually got to meet the woman that is the other full time Social Worker there. She seems very nice and has been doing this job for 9 years- that says something.

My stomach is hurting lately. Stress? That's one of the ways my body deals with it.

Almost finished with school. And I am so glad that my internship (free work) is almost done.

J just came in and found that the puppy chewed up the electrical wiring for our air conditioner. Great. Do I really want this dog anymore?? He is eating my pussy willow tree along with every other living thing out there. Who wanted this dog? Oh yeah, me. Good thing I am getting some money back from my taxes.

Again I will end a post with UGH!!

Saturday, March 11, 2006

"I'm not dead yet! I feel happy!"

The irony of my decision. It's a small irony but I thought it was funny. The ring that J has on his phone for when I am calling is the part from Monty Python (Holy Grail) "Bring out your dead. Bring out your dead." So Hospice it is. I have made a decision and feel great about it. I need this job more than I need the extra $40,000 a year. We are fine financially and don't need the stress of having more money. It only brings more things. And Buddha knows I do not need anything material!!

V has H over and they are being great! We took the girls and the dogs for a hike this afternoon (or a "walk"). We had a lot of fun. I love watching the kids love nature. And the puppy did pretty well with coming when called. But Madchen puked. I think she is getting old. Poor dog.

So, Hospice it is. I will call them Monday morning.

Friday, March 10, 2006


Of course I barely slept last night for two reasons... My last post- the job dilemma and secondly J woke up in the middle of the night choking. He said it felt like he was drowning. Ok- so after I pried the phone out of my own hands (as I was on the way to dial 911) he was in the bathroom gasping for air. Now should I be worried about this?! I refuse to be a widow for the second time. I refuse to let this one die. So do I make him go to the Dr. or ignore it? Something similar to this happened about one year ago but I don't remember it being that intense. Maybe he was just having dreams about drowning.

Jobs- I forgot to mention the pay for the Hospice. It would be good (for a social worker). I would also be on call every other week but get paid $2 an hour after working hours so that averages out to about $500 a month extra. And if I get called in I get paid my hourly rate.

JTW I appreciate your comments. I am going to make my pros and cons list today. (But to be honest I feel like I should go Hospice. What if I have another baby? This way I would only be 10 minutes away. I could run back to T-town and nurse the baby of J could bring it to me- the dairy queen. And only 10 minutes away from my kid, my dogs and my home.)

BUT- the Rec. Tech. job if SO flexible. I could work the hours I wanted, start salary then go contractual when I thought my clientele was built up. Mental Illness. Like I said- not sure I can do that every day. But on the other hand it may be fun. And I could work with kids and adults. Whatever I wanted.


Thursday, March 09, 2006

What do I do??

Ok, this is a really shitty thing to post I know but I need help sorting this all out. I had two job interviews today. One at Hospice of Lenawee in Adrian (10 minutes away) and one at Recovery Technologies in Hillsdale, MI (1 hour away). I was offered both jobs. Here's the kicker- I don't know what to do! I think the Hospice job fits me better. Working with families during the death of a loved one. The Rec. Tech. job is a therapy job with people who have mental illness. I am not keen on spending 8 hours a day with people with mental illness. But- they pay AWESOME! I can either go contractual with them and get 52% of what their insurance pays (40-50 an hour!!) or go salary (around 25 an hour). But to get the big bucks my clients would have to show up. With Hospice I would get to go out and be with people and their families while Rec Tech. I would be in an office and 8 (well, hopefully 8) people would come and sit in my office and dump. Hospice- people are dying. Can I deal with that all day every day? Will I get too attached? Both places seem to have space for upward movement. The Rec Tech job seems to be pretty progressive and the CEO is a mover and shaker.

I am sure I'll post more but for now I just want to go snuggle my boy.


Tuesday, March 07, 2006


So work again today- same crazies!! Came home to a lovely day and decided to take the dogs for a run. Well I am one hand short. The puppy does not know how to SLOW DOWN! So I have leash burn all over my hands.

Was asked today what I was doing to prepare for the wedding... Again, I haven't started that yet. Haven't even gotten to that diet how could I be planning. Starting to feel like I should.

Graduation only a few weeks away. Sad because there will be a lot of people I won't see. Some of whom I just started to know this year. But will do my best to keep up.

Feel out of sorts with my friends here since I don't see anyone anymore. I miss them.

And yes, two interviews- hopefully 1 job.

Monday, March 06, 2006

The crazies..

Now we all know that I work part time in a psych ward right? Boy today was a hoot! I had so many patients that we just flat CRAZY!! Never have I seen this many sick people. Usually they are just depressed or superficially cutting. Nope- these people were CRAZY! What a day. And just think I have tomorrow and Wednesday to go back.

Two interviews on Thursday. Excited? Yes.

V told me I was a bad mom tonight. What do I do with that?

Saw my high school girlfriends this weekend. So fun. I stayed up until 4am and that is a miracle. Funny how times change.

24 is on so more later.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Bye Bye Dream oh mine..

So on Thursday I met with one of met professors who I respect greatly and who knows the non-profit business well. And I do mean well. He confirmed my feelings of maybe it's not the right time. He basically told me that he loved my spirit and thought that I would be absolutely wonderful for the job- BUT he knew that money was so hard to get and didn't think the county I am in right now had enough to even get us paper clips. So I have bowed my head and let go of my dream. A few tears with it but also a weight off of my shoulders. I have already heard from some of the other business' locally who deal with people with developmental disabilities- that's good because maybe I can join forces.

Or I got an interview for that job... that's right the $50/hr job!! We'll see. I got a bit excited but I am surely not going to put my eggs in this basket until it is fully weaved.

Taking V to my parents today and then I am off to play with my girls from high school. It should be fun. But they say we are closing the bars. I don't think I have ever done that. Ouch. But it will be fun.

J is going winter camping today. Hopefully he takes the dogs. The puppy ate V's lunch box last night and right now he is running around the house like a maniac. Better go feed the beast.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Hail day.

So I call the school again. They're closed. This is why my bank account is EMPTY!


So I wake up this morning ready to go to work at the hospital- 5:30 wake up for me and 6:10 for V. EARLY!! I go to drop her off at school and we wait and wait. Low and behold there is a delay. I call work and they DIDN'T EVEN HAVE ME ON THE SCHEDULE!!! WHAT?! So I woke my daughter up (myself included in that) to sit in a parking lot to be told there would be no work for me. I guess it turns out ok since there is a school delay until 9:30am. And the kicker- I am supposed to work 12 hours tomorrow and they didn't have me down for that either!! But they put me back on the schedule since they noticed that they only had one person working tomorrow. UGH! I am really annoyed. I just want a real job.

I have sent my resume into a few places. One is for $50 an hour. In my dreams. The other is a hospital social work job in Jackson. A bit of a drive.

Meeting with my grant professor today for lunch. I am going to pick his brain. I think this Arc thing may take longer than I thought.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Visit and zits

Back from our visit to my Aunt and Uncle. Both are in their 70's and really starting to act like it. My Aunt started giving us stuff. I don't like what that means. But we had a good time. But boy it was sure nice to come home to JW and dog poop stains on the floor. We think that Sipalla may have some separation anxiety when I go away. Not cool.

One of my girlfriends is having a hard time with adopting a child. Well, she is new in the process but really had a hard go of this initial part. Makes me re-think the idea of adopting. I just couldn't go through the rejection.

My sis has an ultrasound tomorrow!!

I have huge zit on my lip- wasn't this supposed to end in high school?